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The Love Challenge - the love for the process


People oftentimes strive hard for goals, and then, when they get there, they are somewhat disappointed that all that hard work, all that pain, all that sacrifice has led to... this.... whatever "this" is. "This" may actually be really cool, but you get used to it so fast - unless "this" is something that makes others happy on an ongoing basis and we can fill up from their joy, then the excitement wears off pretty fast, and then what?


There is a solution to it, and that is to fall in love with the process, with all the things we discover and learn while we are striving towards that goal, about ourselves, our relationships, which oftentimes seemingly has little to do with the goal, all the little gifts and surprises we may find on the way, if we keep our eyes open.


It, however, oftentimes it takes a certain mental attitude so you don't miss the gift. If you don't look for it, you may only see the problem on the surface. What can you do, say, if you walk past a bush on your holiday or while you are searching for the best place to start your business or try it out, and you come past a crying kitten? You can either complain about all these animals around, or you can go home and lament that these people are all so cruel to animals and how much it hurt you to hear that poor kitten cry for 3 days until it probably died, or you can go back, spend an hour with a French tourist, catch it, make it healthy again, and then bring it to a no-kill shelter, or even better, adopt it. If you adopt it, you may well find that the gift was that it brought you days, weeks, months, or years of joy and delight, gave you old cat a new lease in life, and, surprisingly even for yourself, brought a new energy into your own life that you needed right then and there.


Another example would be that you traveled 25 hours one way to what looked like your dream job, and for one reason or other, it not only wasn't your dream job, but scared the living hell out of you for 3 days. If you work for "old school" management, even the, on the surface, most loving and caring job can become the opposite, and it won't matter that you know and have experienced a better way. You then have the choice to stay - which may be a choice because you may have something to learn in the environment, but you better make sure you do it for something bigger than yourself, as it can destroy you - or, you can quit, decide your core skills, as not welcome here, can better be used else where and come out of the experience traumatized, or, alternatively, you can view it as an "ordeal", that, at the same time clarified the road for the future. An ordeal is something coaches and therapists use to give a coachee an experience that is worse than what they fear, or cannot do, thereby helping the coaches to overcome their fear or obstacle. Say, if you fear being rejected on a cold call, or you have social anxiety, and you avoid doing the things you should do because you fear being rejected or ridiculed, try imagining that you need to have a conversation with someone, and, if it doesn't go well, which is highly likely, you may have to pass through a room with giant dogs who may rip you to shreds before you make it out the other side. It won't help you much that you love dogs, and you know that these are really good dogs and that they are likely just channeling the aggression and anger of the owner towards you, you'd be just as dead if you never got the chance to bond with these dogs beforehand so you can diffuse the situation.


Suddenly that cold call doesn't seem to be much of a problem.


Or, you may design a challenge in response to a social dynamic that you feel is destructive, and suddenly, you realize all the great things you would have never seen, had you not been forced to find something new every day.


Sometimes, life is like a meandering stream that leads you all kinds of places, if you swim in it, and you don't allow yourself to be beached somewhere where you don't grow anymore. Just don't forget the site seeing.


Even a 25 hour drive can be pretty cool if you notice the castles on the side.

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